Tanya Chris

Syed has been found innocent of the murder of his boy/sub/lover, Jamie, in the first book in the series. Jamie is still such a big part of his life and a huge chunk of his heart...but he knows Jamie would want him to move on. Yet he is so determined to stay true to his first love while welcoming his second. Watching him figure out how to honor that love while trying to make room in his heart for Dashiell was an amazing and painful process, for not only Syed but the readers also. I loved Dashiel from the start of this series. He is sweet, kind, and so in need of love that he’s willing to do literally anything to make Syed love him, even if the "what" it might take terrifies him. The journey these two take, helped along by Syed’s brother, Aayan...and Dashiell’s friend and boss, Garrett, is one that will sweep you up and take you along, not letting you, go until the very end. This author does a fantastic job of showing us Syed’s struggle, both with himself and with Jamie’s memory. His heart was broken and is broken time and time again in so many different ways. Dashiell’s sweet nature and good heart is the perfect balm for Syed’s wounded soul. Dashiell is facing his own struggles trying to decide how much of himself he’s willing to let go of to be with Syed the way he knows that Syed needs him to be. In the meantime, progress has been made in finding Jamie's real killer...and there is a surprise waiting us with that. I can highly recommend this series, but anyone who might be a little skittish about venturing into the BDSM genre can rest assured that the story is educational for those that may only know about the lifestyle from books they've read. When it's featured here as a part of the story, it's about what the two people involved want and need. BDSM is not entirely always about humiliation and pain... It can be about those two things, but it can and should be about anything that the people participating in it needs it to be. It was wonderful to see Aayan and Garrett make appearances in this story. I always like to catch up with favorite characters and see how their "happily-ever-after" is working out. Also, we get so catch up on more of Aaryan and Syed’s family issues. This is a story that truly deserves every one of those 5 stars that I gave it. On to the 3rd book now, and I hope it's not the last one, but if it is, I own all three...so I can revisit as often as I like.… (mere)

Garrett, a defense attorney, is a man who had lost everything with the death of his husband, who was the love of his life...his everything, his privacy, his law practice…and his Dom. He'd been drifting for 3 years when his future comes knocking at his door. Aayan is conflicted about everything he feels. His reason for tracking down Garrett is not that he can’t get the man out of his mind. It's that he desperately wants/needs to save his brother, Syed, from a charge of murder...a murder that he didn’t commit. Aayan's feelings for the man that is defending his brother are just making everything more complicated. I liked this story much more than I thought I would. I have no patience for people that judge others for their way of life, what church they do or don't go to, what their political views are, the color of their skin or who they choose to love. The man on trial for his life in this story was being tried for all of these things under the guise of murder because his lover died while they were consensually practicing something they both wanted. The side characters in the story are a mixed bag, but in a mostly good way. I really liked Aayan’s ex and Garrett’s secretary. Both were strong female characters who totally support the couple in their journey toward each other. It was interesting to see how Garrett’s mind worked as he defended Syed. The author does a great job of allowing us in on some of Garrett’s thought processes as he uses the personal knowledge, he has of the BDSM community and the law to make sure that Syed doesn’t end up in jail. Aayan is a wonderful character and I loved watching his struggle to reconcile his feelings for Garrett and the faith that he’s trying to make peace with. Mostly I enjoyed this story. The characters are complex and compelling, and the storyline kept me interested without pushing things along too quickly. It would be a good introduction story for someone who’s curious about the BDSM lifestyle. It gives a decent example without pushing anything too far and coming off as scary. This will not be my last read from this author.… (mere)

I enjoyed this far more than After Care, though I have a couple of quibbles re: some hurtful inaccuracies and BDSM the biggest one I'm going to clarify here, for anyone who thinks this is realistic BDSM depiction due to it being written in a realistic style. Remember, this is fiction, and the BDSM is fiction, and in some cases, some of the assumptions being put across are harmful if you don't remember this is all make-believe:

There's a section where Syed assures himself that Dashiell certainly isn't a masochist because he hops around on one foot in pain after stubbing his foot. This is bullshit folks. A person's pain tolerance outside of a scene 100% doesn't indicate ANYTHING about whether someone is a masochist in BDSM. There are masochists with low pain tolerances, masochists with high pain tolerance in the every day who have low pain tolerances in scenes, masochists who faint when they see needles, masochists who hate 95% of pain except a very specific 5% they like when consenting to it in a scene.

In just about any BDSM 101 class (which I wish Chris had taken the time to attend, or maybe remember this part), this is one of the first thing you'll be taught about masochists: that they like pain on their terms, and hate it just as much as anyone else (and sometimes moreso) the rest of the time whether inside of or outside of scenes, because you know, they're *human beings.*

It's moments like this that indicate that Chris has done her research, but doesn't actually really understand the psychology behind masochism, or maybe doesn't know many masochists, or hasn't actually experienced much of the scene, or even just applied any logical thought to this process. But a high pain tolerance in every day life does not have any correlation, connection or indication of what kind of masochist (or not) you're dealing with. Conversely, is she implying that people with high pain tolerances because they wouldn't jump around in pain from stubbing their toe mean they *must* be masochists? It makes no sense, and I hope it's not something anyone walks away thinking about masochists and masochism. It's so far off reality it was like being doused in cold water; especially since this book does make genuine attempts to be fairly accurate regarding kink the rest of the time. It made Syed seem like a 17 year old who only understands BDSM from fanfiction; something I expect from fanfiction, but not from a mature character with experience who was active in the public scene and clearly has played with multiple subs.

There are some grammar mistakes all through this, and a common fanfiction error I see in fic all the time, I saw here in published fic for the first time! 'Drug' is used as the past tense of drag, instead of the grammatically correct 'dragged.'

Okay, general issues aside, I liked this book much more. I thought Dashiell and Syed were more appealing and relatable as characters, and didn't feel as cold, distant and aloof as Aayan and Garrett did (and their relationship did at times because of it). Dashiell's anguish regarding how Kirk treated him and the scars that left behind felt real, and jumped off the page, and Syed's empathy felt like something he also did to heal himself. His transition into a 'softer' kind of domination made sense given what he's experienced, and what Dashiell needs, since it's obvious that Syed can still get his needs met through Dashiell's obedience and how receptive he is to control. In that sense, the D/s relationship felt more mature, and also more fleshed out, than Aayan and Garrett's did for me in book 1.

I found the themes around forgiveness and also the attitude to Dashiell's job mature and well-developed. I know some people still aren't going to like that aspect of things, but honestly I thought that was handled really well, and with a fair amount of non-didactic aplomb. I'm really looking forward to Casey's book, in that regard.… (mere)