Dan Savage has a way of speaking the unspoken, often uncharitable reaction a lot of us would have in a situation. I think he calls it Tourettes. I especially enjoyed two gestures he made/planned. An example of his good nature: he gives the most appropriate gift you could think of to the birth mother who is a gutter punk...a man's ID bracelet with the birth name of the child on it. The vengeful Dan, however, plans to slip the birth announcement returned by an estranged great grandmother into her casket (when she eventually dies) to be with her for all eternity. ( )

Dan Savage reflects on the process of adopting his son.

Dan Savage is a funny guy, but as I got older, I found his column increasingly a one-trick pony of edgy crass humor and advice -- I thought I'd outgrown him, or he was chafing against his pigeon hole after nearly 30 years inside it, or the format of a sex advice column mocking-become-real was too limiting, or something. I decide to come to this book only because it gets great reviews. After reading The Kid (published back in 1999), I have a new appreciation for Dan Savage. His experience of adopting has extra oomph from being (a) an early gay adoption, (b) an early open adoption, (c) written for laughs, (d) in a very self-aware way. He handles a lot of emotionally charged subjects extremely well, with nuance and appreciation, he treats seriously the pain of open adoption as well as the joy, and the book is chock-full of entertaining and interesting asides. There also isn't much crass sex talk, although he is direct about his orientation, preferences and choices; he doesn't pull punches in being judgmental, but he owns that judgmentalness with self-aware jabs as well. He also treats his issues with fat people (at length!). I thought the huge amount of discussion on this topic was Dan Savage telling his side of his fight with Lindy West (a la this), but it turns out this book was written way before Lindy West used the controversy to establish herself -- he's just obsessed with weight, perhaps in the way that only being majorly identified with a subculture that values people for looks above all else can make someone.

I wasn't expecting this, but I will probably seek out other books by Dan Savage. I'm very curious if my renewed appreciation of his writing is a function of going back in time 20 years to when he was less jaded, or whether it's a function of the memoir format giving Dan Savage a chance to stretch his writing muscles after having answered literally every relevant sex advice question in the universe what must be hundreds or thousands of times. Either way, I'd love to read more by the thoughtful and reflective voice who wrote this humorous memoir. ( )

I'm embarrassed to admit that I thought there was an error in the title "The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant" when I first saw it, thinking that it must mean Dan's girlfriend. In my defence not only was I young and particularly daft but a the time Australia was a long way from legalising adoption by same sex partners.

Dan Savage records the story of he and his boyfriend adopting a child, including interactions with the young, homeless mother, and the reactions of his and his boyfriend's parents. Like in all of Savage's writing There is a lot of humour to be found within the pages of "The Kid", and much pointed social comment as well. Sometimes though you wonder what their son JD will think of the book, especially around Savage's regular comments about using JD as a tax break.

This was written nearly two decades ago so I hope Savage, his now husband and their son are still happy together. ( )

From my Cannonball Read V Review...

I reviewed Dan Savages new book American Savage over the summer. When I heard that The Kid was available on audio book read by Mr. Savage himself, I quickly downloaded it. I planned to listen to it on runs but it was so good that after about three 20-minute runs I said screw it and listened to it all day until it was done. And it was good.

The Kid follows Mr. Savage and his boyfriend (now husband) Terry Miller’s adoption of a baby through an open adoption process in Portland, Oregon. The book is broken up into sections that roughly follow the idea of pregnancy – gestation, birth, afterbirth (heh) – and include details of the challenges they faced as well as some fun stories about Mr. Savage and Mr. Miller that are relevant but not just about choosing to have a baby. For example, Mr. Savage became a republican in 1996 because there weren’t any in his neighborhood, which meant he was the precinct captain and got to try to influence the platform. That’s pretty funny.

Many of the stories focus on the uniqueness of two gay men adopting a child, especially the many years ago when Mr. Savage and Mr. Miller made the decision to become parents. In their intro seminar with the agency, it was all couples who were adopting because they weren’t able to conceive. As you can imagine, that meant they were coming at the process from a somewhat different place than other families. They weren’t trying to come to terms with infertility issues – that was kind of the deal from the beginning, being two men and all. Mr. Savage was also clear to point out that gay adoption wasn’t legal in all states at this time, and that “the more gay and lesbian couples raise children, the less easy it will be for the religious right to convince everyone that we’re monsters.”

They chose to adopt through an agency that deals solely in fully open adoptions, and I found it very interesting to learn details of Oregon law. In the past I’ve heard about open adoptions, but really learning about them, and about the laws that help make it easier for all involved was fascinating. And please note – I have no interest in bearing or adopting children, and this was still extremely interesting to me, so don’t be worried you won’t like it just because you aren’t interesting in having kids, or adopting them. As you can imagine (otherwise there wouldn’t be a book), they do eventually get chosen by a birth mother. Her story is interesting too, as is their attempts to navigate the relationship they are building together, premised around this baby she is going to give to them to raise. It’s sweet, but NOT overly sentimental. I loved that.

A couple of recommendations – if you are going to listen to or read the book, as it gets near the end, if you’re a crier, maybe set some alone time. When it comes time for them to take the baby, it’s heartbreaking. The language Mr. Savage uses is lovely, and a real tribute to all parties involved – the birth mother, the agency, and Mr. Savage and Mr. Miller. Adoption is obviously hard but an amazing choice, and the open adoption process seems to be filled with so much compassion and caring for the child and all the parties involved.

One point Mr. Savage made repeatedly that is obvious but good to be reminded about is the assumptions people make when they see babies. Living in the Pacific Northwest, I find that I’m surrounded by mostly progressive, or at least liberal, folks. I live in the same neighborhood as Mr. Savage and Mr. Miller and their son; seeing same-sex couples with babies is not something that makes me bat an eye. But people who either have not been exposed to that, or have chosen to ignore that it’s a real thing can make unintentionally hurtful comments. For example, if you see two men with a baby, don’t ask where mommy is. Maybe there is no mommy in the picture. It’s none of our business though – it’s important to not jump to any conclusions.

As you can see, I really enjoyed this book, especially the audio version of it. If you’re in the market for a great story with heart but no saccharine, check this one out. ( )

i liked reading a perspective on open adoption and the process of going through the same agency we went through to adopt our son (about 11 years after they did). i liked seeing, procedurally, what was different earlier on and what stayed the same (at least until 2011) in the process. (this can't be interesting to almost anyone else, but i really liked this aspect.) the part in the book about how the whole first part of the agency's process is talking about grief and sadness, and he and his partner went in feeling happy and victorious exactly mirrored our experience. there's value in understanding grief, because witnessing a birth mother's grief at placement (yes, even when it's fully her decision) is impossible to describe and bigger than anyone can imagine, but talking about grief is helpful in that moment, and (more importantly) in building a relationship with her. but the insistence that we were grieving our decision to adopt, which was never true for us, was an annoying way to begin the process of adoption. i'd be surprised if they still start this way.

he also had some interesting commentary early on about parenting as two gay men, that i appreciated reading.

i wasn't as into the rest of the book, which surprised me because i had read his columns years ago and liked him and his writing. here it just felt like he was trying to force the tone and make things humorous regardless of what or who he was talking about. it didn't really work for me. (the subtitle of the book is: "an adoption story" and while i have no problem at all - really, i read a surprising amount of gay-boy short stories/books - reading about men sucking dicks, it just mostly didn't have a place in this book.) i think he put it in because it was expected of him or something, and so it felt forced and the tone felt wrong.

still, the adoption stuff was good, and the plug for open adoption (and this amazing agency) a good one. ( )