This was long and angsty. My very first full out fanfic, not one of those pesky P2P I'm learning more and more about.

This one obviously needs an edit, I mean, it's fanfic. Overly long, lots of repetitive stuff (Edward's constantly hard dick, for one thing).

I don't think I have ever seen two more broken, fucked up people, and I loved almost every second of it, despite all the repeated stuff. It really fed the angst whore in me. ( )

I should have known what I was getting myself into when the story opened with the lyrics from a Soundgarden song. Blackhole Sun indeed.

This story was a very popular Twilight All Human (no-vampires, contemporary romance setting) fan fiction. Sadly, it suffers from a lot of the cliches and shorting comings of AH Twi fic, and bad erotica, in general.

At roughly 400,000 words in length, the story drags on far too long. The plot is sex scenes threaded together with cliche relationship drama that has more to do with poorly developed, two dimensional characters than anything believable or remotely interesting. I found the sex scenes to be overwrought and unsexy, mostly because Edward's laughable "sexy talk" came off more creepy than sexy, to me. He even uses a long list of ridiculous and childish pet names for Bella, like Kitty, that made me cringe and throw up in my mouth.

This Edward is an Alpha male on steroids. His most defining characteristics being he's tattooed, talks like a sleaze bag and he has a big dick (another standard issue detail that every AH Edward always has). Too bad he lacks a personality and has the emotional depth of a teaspoon.

I would knock out a guy if he said have of the "sexy" shit douche bag says. Who the hell finds shallow asshole, like this Edward, attractive? [Spoilers: a lot of Twilight fan fic readers and Bella freakin Swan, that's who.]

Speaking of Bella, she isn't too much better. She is a carbon copy of every two dimensional, contemporary romance heroine who as every pissed you off. I got eye strain from rolling my eyes at her inane bullshit. Honestly, she was just so fucking boring, but so was this story.

I won't criticize the writing style, because this is fan fiction, but be warned it isn't good. Even in the beta (edited) copy I have there are a load of errors. Not to mention the overlong story length (a side effect of it being serialize, posted chapter by chapter) and lack of the coherent story arch, another side effect of it being fan fiction.

However, if you don't mind two dimensional characters, silly plots and cringe worth sex scenes you might find it a fun read.

If you're interested feel free to message me and I'll send you a PDF copy. ( )