Once again, reading books enhances my life and shifts my thinking. The wisdom of Harriet Lerner found in her amazing book [b:The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships|31312|The Dance Of Anger A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships|Harriet Lerner|http://images.gr-assets.com/books/1388261597s/31312.jpg|31603] continues in this title. I've copied many passages into my journal as I gather the understanding and vocabulary to decipher more of the first family issues, relationship triangles, overfunctioning/underfunctioning dynamics I am part of.

I would have given it a 5, but design matters. It's time for an updated edition. When that happens, I'll buy a copy for my library. ( )

Harriet Lerner has a truly remarkable ability to analyze our problems with intimacy. She has written a hopeful, respectful, and transforming book that never loses sight of the complexity and richness of women's lives.

All relationship involves a given level of anxiety. Often we manage the anxiety either through over-functioning and pursuing or through under-functioning and distancing. Both actions are reactive to the anxiety in the relationship, rather than self-defining, and undermine our attempts to understand who we and the other person actually are. We can't change other people, but we can set boundaries and limits as to how much negative behavior we will tolerate as well as minimums concerning intimacy. Often we create emotional triangles (family systems theory) with third parties in order to avoid facing the anxiety. It is better to have separate relationships with individuals rather than to get caught up in triangles. ( )

An excellent companion to the Dance of Anger. ( )

The most interesting aspect of this book for me was how relationships in one's first family impact the relationships one has now (marriage, children, friendships, etc). It got me thinking about my childhood experiences and how they impact what I'm willing to risk now. ( )