Jim Fay

As many other reviewers have said, you should take from this book what's useful to you and leave the rest. A few useful things for me:

1. Parenting should not be a power struggle. My job as a parent is not to control my child. (This is not in the book, but I really like partnering/collaborating with my 5yo to find solutions to conflicts. As the book says, kids should have opportunities to exercise power over their lives.)

2. Keep in mind your ultimate goal as a parent. For most of us, it's for our kids to become independent and trustworthy. This can't happen if we never trust them. We have to give them opportunities to make choices and suffer consequences within reason.

3. Be consistent with boundaries. This is especially important for very young children who don't understand how context guides behavior. For example, if you let your child make a big mess and laugh about it one day (because, say, it's a lazy Sunday) but then the next day you get super upset when they make a big mess (because, say, it's Monday morning and you have to get to work) it's confusing for little kids. Consistency (to the point of even saying "uh-oh" in the same sing-song way every time you want to discourage a behavior) will really help guide behavior.

A few things the book advocates that don't work for me:

1. Don't lecture. --okay, this sounds good. But the authors recommend parents keep mum and let experience be their child's teacher. This doesn't always work for me because I'm a verbal person raising a verbal kid. Some things are better learned first by talking together. For example, if we're having a conflict over toothbrushing, I'm not going to quietly let my kids get cavities so they can learn from experience why toothbrushing matters. I'm going to describe in detail how much it sucks to get a cavity and explain that a trip to the dentist is expensive. (This has worked pretty well for us, btw.)

2. Never lose your cool. --again this sounds good. But it basically encourages parents to trick kids into thinking the kids have no power to upset their parents. I think this will inevitably come across as hollow as your kids get older. I'd rather be authentic with my kid about my feelings. Honestly, I don't think I could pull off unflappable anyway.

3. Lock your kid in their room when they misbehave because you can't control their behavior but you can control their location. --yeah, this is bad advice. Please don't routinely lock your child in their room, even if you're standing just outside the door. Google "love withdrawal" as a parenting/discipline technique and you'll find research that shows this doesn't work well.… (mere)

" Fay Jim [is the] founder [of Love and Logic] and [a] former school principal, [With] over 40 years of experience as a speaker [and] consultant, [he] has become one of America's most sought-after presenters in the fields of parenting, positive discipline, and classroom management.
"Charles Fay, Ph.D. [is the] President of the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. , ,[He] is a parent, author and consultant to schools, parent groups and mental health professionals around the world." Source: www.loveandlogic.com
Joseph Michelli, Ph.D., author, psychologist, lecturer and college professor, said of this work, "Jim and Charles Fay, Ph.D. offer a clear, concise, warm and effective approach for parenting young children. This book is a must read for all parents who want to maintain their sanity while raising healthy, well-adjusted children."… (mere)