Grief, regret, and loneliness form the backdrop of a family’s life following a suicide, but a path for healing reveals itself in the form of a magical red bird.

Fifteen-year-old Leigh Chen Sanders, daughter of an Irish-American sinologist father and a Taiwanese pianist mother, is in love with her best friend, Axel Moreno. The two have much in common: as well as sharing a passion for art, he is half Filipino and half Puerto Rican and also stands out in their racially homogeneous school. However, a rift has opened between them since their first kiss coincided with the day Leigh’s mother took her own life. Now left alone with a distant, judgmental father, Leigh is directed by a red bird she is convinced is her mother to visit her estranged grandparents in Taiwan. There, she seeks out places that were meaningful to her mother and uncovers long-hidden family secrets. The Taiwanese setting is enticingly portrayed, and the magical realism of the bird spirit offers transportive flashback journeys into the family’s history. The stigma of mental illness and the terrible loneliness of not being accepted form the heart of this emotionally honest tale, but the device of having Leigh express her feelings in terms of color is distracting and adds little to the story.

An evocative novel that captures the uncertain, unmoored feeling of existing between worlds—culturally, linguistically, ethnically, romantically, and existentially—it is also about seeking hope and finding beauty even in one’s darkest hours. (author’s note, resources) (Fiction. 14-18)

-Kirkus Review

I read the whole thing in a Saturday afternoon, it was very different from what I normally read and I enjoyed that it wasn't predictable at all. I liked how normal and real the characters were, and the emotions and hardships they experienced. ( )

I would give this book four and a half stars. Exquisite writing, and an excellent look at depression and suicide. Oddly, though, the main character, Leigh Sanders, was not entirely clearly formed, in my opinion. While some of that fuzziness was due to her sleep deprivation, guilt, and grief, I sometimes felt more like I was in the middle of someone’s bad acid trip. Terrific debut work and I will definitely look forward to more work from Ms. Pan. ( )

Contemporary fiction with mystical components about a teenage girl struggling in the aftermath of her mother’s suicide. Protagonist Leigh Chen Sanders is visited by an unusual bird that she believes to be her mother or her mother’s spirit. The bird plays a role in Leigh and her father traveling to Taipei to visit her maternal grandparents, whom she has never met since her mother had been estranged from her parents for two decades. The novel delves into some weighty topics such as suicide, depression, guilt, dysfunctional family relationships, and identity.

Though set in Taipei, the structure involves flashbacks, multiple timelines, and recall of memories. This is a tricky structure, and the author pulls it off admirably. The characters are believable, flawed but likeable, and well-developed. This book is written in a fluid and lyrical style. I particularly liked the author’s descriptions of the sights, sounds, customs, spirituality, and food of Taiwan. It imparted a strong sense of the Taiwanese culture, which is an important part of Leigh’s search for identity.

This is the third book I’ve read this year that employs synesthesia (not sure if this is a trend or coincidence), in this case seeing colors when other senses are stimulated. I felt the author used these colors in combination with elements of the supernatural in order to diffuse the intensity of the subject matter. To me, this book is a representation of Leigh’s personal journey toward acceptance. Metaphors are plentiful and it requires the suspension of disbelief in order to fully appreciate it. I wish it had not included the teen friend/more than friend relationship with Axel, as I felt it detracted from the more substantive material.

Overall, this book shows how family relationships, art, and love can aid healing. I found it a compassionate exploration of grief and recommend it, although not immediately after experiencing a loss. ( )

*4.75

Slightly over hyped but I love the exploration of grief all the same ( )