Food for thought on conversations I'll have with my kids in the future. Yikes. ( )

Peggy Orenstein has written a great book that parents of both boys and girls should read. It has its limitations; her pool of interviewees is imperfect, for example (with only about 70 girls, it can only do so much). Parents should steel themselves not to panic and start generalizing from stories; I started doing that.

The value of the book is in the way it asks us to reconceptualize how we discuss and present sexuality to teens, especially girls. Orenstein takes the expected shots at abstinence only education and purity, but she's also skeptical of sexuality as empowerment: the girls interviewed still use it in a performative way that is about the desire of those (usually boys) that they wish to attract. Is that really so empowering? The overall theme is how the girls haven't really been given the tools and encouragement to seek out sex and relationships on their terms, and to do what they want, when they want, with whom they want. They don't have adequate education about sex and sexuality for the most part--and what they do have is negative. They know how to avoid HIV and pregnancy, but they don't have a positive image of what they do want. Meanwhile, the boys have acquired the attitude that they are entitled to sex and that their own desires and pleasure is what counts, not that of the girls they see.

The final chapter is devoted to discussing what we need to do to change this and give our kids lessons about sex and sexuality that will lead to true self respect (not chewing-gum metaphors) and respect for their partners. We need to get past our own prudishness about talking about sex.

I'd give it 4.5 stars if I could. ( )

Two books I recommend that every human of every age read: 1. Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape by Peggy Orenstein. 2. Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity by Peggy Orenstein.

Should be required reading for all Preteens, Teens, New Adults, their Parents & Grandparents. It goes a long way to explaining the US's rape culture and the tacit complicity of which all of us are guilty. Knowledge is power. We, as individuals and as a society, can do much better.

"Girls & Sex" rings true. It makes me both sad and furious for any girl or woman of any age who lacks the sex education and self-confidence to demand a fulfilling and joyful sex life. This book is both a wake-up call and a sexual bill of rights for females. Good sex is a reciprocal act. It is not a performance on demand. It does not require acting, faking orgasms, or servicing men (or women) who show no consideration, interest or knowledge of your needs or wants. The best & most enjoyable sexual contact (of any kind) is when sober and is fully consensual. If you feel the need to be drunk or drugged in order to have sex, that's a serious red flag. ( )

Girls & Sex is an incredibly approachable book with a candidness to it that I think is essential for a text on such an uncomfortable topic. However, it is a very informal study and exploration which really only begins to skim the surface of such a complex, sensitive topic. One that, while compelling and emotional, presented me with a number of misgivings.

The objectification of women, sexualization of young girls, the issues of consent and sexual assault, and double standards surrounding women and sex are all topics I have strong opinions on. Yet when I read nonfiction I expect and look forward to being challenged. Girls & Sex touches on all of these important subjects, but in a manner that was primarily only validating to me, a reader that likely already agrees with Orenstein on most of these issues. My other primary concern with Girls & Sex is the limited scope of Orenstein's sample population. While she acknowledges a limited diversity in the ethnic and social backgrounds of her subjects, it gave me the impression in reading that this study was narrow and offered a picture of only a very specific sample of young women in America. Also problematic for me was Orenstein's decision to forgo any sort of in text citations. This is not only bizarre, but incredibly frustrating when wanting to clarify her references.

However, despite weak areas, Orenstein's reframing of how we discuss sexual development and intercourse with young people is critically important. Girls & Sex is flawed, but its messages on our need for fostering more open communication between parents and children while tackling issues of self-respect and lack of agency in young women are not. ( )

Heard the author speak, more than read the book. But well worth reading. ( )