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The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About…
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The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships (udgave 2015)

af Neil Strauss (Forfatter)

MedlemmerAnmeldelserPopularitetGennemsnitlig vurderingOmtaler
1975136,810 (3.85)1
From the author of the blockbuster bestseller The Game A shockingly personal, surprisingly relatable, brutally honest memoir, in which the celebrated dating expert confronts the greatest challenge he has ever faced: monogamy and fidelity. Neil Strauss became famous to millions around the world as the author of The Game, a funny and slyly instructive account of how he transformed himself from a scrawny, insecure nerd into the ultra-confident, ultra-successful pickup artist known as Style. The book jump-started the international seduction community, and made Strauss a household name--revered or notorious--among single men and women alike. But the experience of writing The Game also transformed Strauss into a man who could have what every man wants: the ability to date--and/or have casual sex with--almost every woman he met. The results were heady, to be sure. But they also conditioned him to view the world as a kind of constant parade of women, sex, and opportunity--with intimacy and long-term commitment taking a back seat. That is, until he met the woman who forced him to choose between herself and the parade. The choice was not only difficult, it was wrenching. It forced him deep into his past, to confront not only the moral dimensions of his pickup lifestyle, but also a wrenching mystery in his childhood that shaped the man that he became. It sent him into extremes of behavior that exposed just how conflicted his life had become. And it made him question everything he knew about himself, and about the way men and women live with and without each other. He would never be the same again. Searingly honest, compulsively readable, this new book may have the same effect on you.… (mere)
Medlem:sromera
Titel:The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships
Forfattere:Neil Strauss (Forfatter)
Info:Dey Street Books (2015), 448 pages
Samlinger:Dit bibliotek
Vurdering:
Nøgleord:Ingen

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The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships af Neil Strauss

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The Truth – An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships by Neil Strauss
Note: The reviewer makes certain conclusions inspired but not voiced as such by the author.

“A time comes when you are all alone, when you come to the end of everything that can happen to you. It is the end of the world. Even grief - your own grief doesn’t answer you any more and you have to retrace your steps to go among people.“ Luis Ferdinand Selena in Journey to the end of the night.

If the above is the bleak current state of your affairs, Neil Strauss’s reading of “The uncomfortable truth about relationships” could be a hope-inducing event.

If you haven’t yet quite reached “... the end of the[your] world” but would tick the following questions and statements in the affirmative, you may yet benefit from some of “the uncomfortable truths ” propounded by Mr. Strauss.
-Does happiness in a relationship keep eluding you?
-Are you starting to wonder why?
-Do you believe a man’s fidelity only goes as far as his options?
-Do you want to know whether serial monogamy is a natural kind of relationship between men and women?
-Looking into alternative relationship options?
-Starting to wonder whether relationships - any kind - are the key to bliss?

And, well if you are of the inquisitive type that likes to see traditional values questioned yet don’t like foregone conclusions – it could be right up your alley. For this is about a convention as old as it is venerable and as deeply ensconced in tradition as perhaps not other.

To live is to relate and for most that means to relate to other people. Few can dwell in a lofty domain entirely constructed of abstractions relating solely to and by the crystalline sober world of rational thought. If you belong to these rarified individuals you might perhaps find it “fascination”, raise an eyebrow – in Vulcan manner so to speak - but otherwise Strauss’s revelations would not unduly discomfit you. Nevertheless, at the central core of most people’s lives is how they relate to other people. Especially, the formal relationship mode(s) - formal an oxymoron to describe the fuzziest of human domains - between sexes we engage and consequently ensconce our selves in and allow to occupy and direct our lives.

Which leads us to the introductory part of the book. Overwhelming circumstantial evidence makes our hero/villain admit to his crime. The crime - cheating on his girlfriend. Consequently, if not entirely voluntarily, as a show of good faith he commits himself to a clinic for sex addicts. The sinner repents. Or does he? This certainly grabbed my attention.
Accordingly the premise is set, namely that cheating in a (romantic) relationship constitutes deviant behavior. Over the course of book not only is this very premise analyzed but also in the progress a great many psychological truisms manifest.
Born from experiences during his self-incarceration and later relationship experimentation, our “hero’s” dissective no-holds-barred analysis of his childhood and relationships woes provide the cases in point for not only the many of the psychological insights of the great pioneering masters of hardcore in-your-face psychology of Abraham Maslov and Sigmund Freud, but also the softer more humane psychology of a Leonardo Buscaglia and an Erich Fromm.
If you are familiar with their concepts and outlooks and their theories, you find them become reality in Strauss’s journey.
E.g: Strauss’s terminology usage of love addict and love denier. (Freud being the first to describe the symptoms in – The Wolf Man). Sandor Rado popularized the terms in 1928.
There are no ground-breaking new psychological theories but the writer has obviously read up on psychology 101.

Why does Neil Strauss’s book matter so much, then?
His work is a rare instance of bringing the abstractions of psychological study to life within the context of his own life experiences - all within a narrative that is convincing and witty.
What is most compelling here is that Strauss’s is not a quest fueled by scientific curiosity but human despair. It just feels real.
However, there is a caveat. This is the emotional journey of a man who has the means and the time to experiment with different kinds of relationships as described in the book. For some this may curtail the ability to identify with the author for Neil Strauss status as a Rolling Stones writer enables him to enact situations in social circles that the average man has no access to.

That said, of additional interest is how over the course of the book the author’s collected evidence, experience and personal anticipation seems, at first, to lead to a rather predictable denouement; when in fact, to the surprise of author and reader alike, this transforms into an interpretation and final perception quite different and arguably more meaningful than one was let to expect.
Namely, that whatever kind of redemption one seeks may not derive from insights into whether serial monogamy and its premise and highest dictate of sexual loyalty holds true but a realisation that unsatisfactory relationships, polygamous and monogamous alike etc., originate from one’s and/or a partner’s Sisyphean insistence of acting out a long past but never forgotten.
Like a historical re-enactor gone insane, wearing costume and paraphernalia at the most inappropriate moments possible, we are driven to wearing our childhood defense mechanisms - sadly out of place on on supposedly mature psyche needing to deal with grown-up matter.

It is the cold realization that only complete renewal will do.
That such renewals of our psyche become necessary for some of us stems from our social system which produces relational states incompatible to a satisfactory state of living. Our egocentric notion and unspoken expectations are reinforced in this communication bereft environment constitute the premeditated resentment in our relationship with people.
Over the last generations we have produced the wounded children that go on to become adults just to reiterate the cycle. And from a bottom up perspective that permeates to how nations deal with each other - badly.

To actually deal with this problem at the roots, an uplift of rationality over instinct needs to drive a massive social revolution. Admittedly, at this stage of humanity - a mere fantasy.
What we are left with is theorizing. But then again this has often proven to pave the way for the shape of (better) things to come.

When all is said and done, Strauss’s ominously titled book turns out, quite unexpectedly, to be quite a love story - complete with happy ending.
So, if Luis Ferdinand Selena’s words from “Journey to the End of the Night” hit uncomfortably close to home, take comfort in this. The journey to the end of night may very well be one of discomfiture, yet we shall undertake such for yonder night is light.


( )
  nitrolpost | Mar 19, 2024 |
I had no preconceived ideas regarding what this book was about and was pleasantly surprised with not only the topic, but the writing style. I thoroughly enjoyed reading about this journey to find truth. Definitely worth the read even if you are not involved in problematic relationships or have no negative life-altering events lurking in your past. I knew nothing about Neil Strauss and have not read his other more racy (???) books. The humor of the book cover and gold gilt pages was not lost on me; I found it very clever indeed. ( )
  swbesecker | Feb 28, 2022 |
When an author or book gets as much attention (good or bad) as a Neil Strauss, you can bet I'll check it out. This follow up to his previous tales of picking up women focuses on the troubles of building a relationship. I say relationship loosely, because much of this book is discovering what doesn't work. As a guy in a relationship, it's hard not to find at least some takeaways in the sea of bad decisions made here. Even some insights into where motivations come from which were unexpected. I don't know that I'd recommend this though, except to someone looking to test their own boundaries on whats normal. ( )
  adamfortuna | May 28, 2021 |
i read this book before reading his previous book, "the game". for me i liked the truth more because it really had some truth in it in my opinion. like both of his books he writes surface details of the ideas he presents. both of the books are more focused on telling the story of a part of his life and not really going to in depth with the things factual things he has learned. they are more generalized. maybe he does this to appeal to a wider audience. this book is great to get a little knowledge on the pschology on relationships while also enjoying a good story along the way. it is really similar to his last book in that sense. also maybe if one reads those psychology books, he recommends some in the book, maybe they might be too boring or theoretical for one to actually integrate those ideas into your life. this book in my opinion could be really useful as an introduction to those kinds of books. the game also feels like it could be a good introduction book for books that are more technical in that kind of field. for the average reader this book ideal for learning about relationships without going too much in depth. ( )
  shavenbaboon | Aug 7, 2016 |

Originally posted here

I had read the author's earlier book, The Game prior this year and I was equal parts morbidly fascinated and disgusted. I am so glad I read The Truth as it is an inspiring sequel and really closes a chapter in the author's life that began in his previous book. I don't think that The Game needs to be read first though by any means, The Truth works great as a standalone.

Where to start with this fascinating journalistic-style memoir focusing on one man's journey exploring sex addiction, rehab, non-monogamy and ultimately finding his inner self. It certainly is extremely uncomfortable to read at points and absolutely hilarious at the same time. I just cannot believe that Neil Strauss went through it all, it seems like far too much for any one person to handle.

Neil starts the book in rehab for sex addiction as he has just cheated on the love of his life, Ingrid. Neil doesn't take rehab very seriously at first and reluctantly tries his hardest to engage but ultimately he decides that monogamy can't be natural (as he finds it just too difficult) and he wants to explore non-monogamous relationships. The story unfolds from there and I really felt like I was experiencing Neil's journey alongside him as he went from one crazy situation to the next. It was just brilliant.

Near the last third of the book, the real inspiring soul searching begins and I was so emotionally invested in Neil and Ingrid that I just enjoyed every word. There is plenty of interesting things that are discussed such as alternative relationship styles, therapeutic techniques, psychology, spirituality - it was a very insightful read.

I would highly recommend The Truth to everyone, I found it funny, inspiring and it is the perfect book to read after reading toxic books such as The Game that explores the 'pick-up artist' culture. ( )
  4everfanatical | Jun 9, 2016 |
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From the author of the blockbuster bestseller The Game A shockingly personal, surprisingly relatable, brutally honest memoir, in which the celebrated dating expert confronts the greatest challenge he has ever faced: monogamy and fidelity. Neil Strauss became famous to millions around the world as the author of The Game, a funny and slyly instructive account of how he transformed himself from a scrawny, insecure nerd into the ultra-confident, ultra-successful pickup artist known as Style. The book jump-started the international seduction community, and made Strauss a household name--revered or notorious--among single men and women alike. But the experience of writing The Game also transformed Strauss into a man who could have what every man wants: the ability to date--and/or have casual sex with--almost every woman he met. The results were heady, to be sure. But they also conditioned him to view the world as a kind of constant parade of women, sex, and opportunity--with intimacy and long-term commitment taking a back seat. That is, until he met the woman who forced him to choose between herself and the parade. The choice was not only difficult, it was wrenching. It forced him deep into his past, to confront not only the moral dimensions of his pickup lifestyle, but also a wrenching mystery in his childhood that shaped the man that he became. It sent him into extremes of behavior that exposed just how conflicted his life had become. And it made him question everything he knew about himself, and about the way men and women live with and without each other. He would never be the same again. Searingly honest, compulsively readable, this new book may have the same effect on you.

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