Cute ( )

Adventure

Il mio primo, sventurato incontro con questo libro è avvenuto alle Poste, mentre ero in fila da mezz'ora per fare non ricordo più cosa. Indebolita dalla noia, mi sono avvicinata a questo romanzo dall'accattivante copertina gialla e, in barba al basso rating che ha su Goodreads, me lo sono procurato e letto.

Da qualche indizio disseminato qua e là nel romanzo, suppongo che l'idea fosse quella di una critica alla società per il suo modo di relegare gli anziani nelle case di cura scadenti dove si fa sì che stiano buoni, zitti e non diano fastidio. Quello che ho recepito da lettrice è stata una valanga di chiacchiere da bar (incluso, non ci crederete ma è così, l'evergreen "si stava meglio quando si stava peggio").

Il tutto avrebbe dovuto essere condito sapientemente con una buona dose di ironia. Vi dirò che la parte dell'ironia è riuscita così male che oltre a non farmi ridere mi ha messo pure tristezza. Davvero un pessimo risultato.

L'idea di partenza poteva essere carina (e da qui la mia insana scelta di leggere il libro), ma c'è tanta di quella ingenuità e mediocrità che ti fanno pensare solo a quando arriverà la fine. ( )

This is about five elderly people living in a Swedish old folk’s home, or retirement home, as it’s translated as.

There are five of them – Martha, Christina, Anna-Greta, Rake and Brains.

Martha was seventy-nine. At school she had always protested against things she believed were unjust, and when a teacher she had fought against unreasonable regulations.

Christina was the youngest of them, only seventy-seven, a former milliner, who was used to a certain standard of food, and didn’t want to eat junk food.

She had dreamt of becoming a librarian and what she didn’t know abut the Swedish classics wasn’t worth knowing.

Anna-Greta was tall and slim and an assertive woman. She had worked in a bank.

She had made some smart investments so she was rich. At school she has always been top of the class in mathematics and could quickly do sums in her head.

Rake had been at sea in his youth but afterwards had trained as a gardener.

Brains was an inventor and used to have his own workshop. He also liked good food and was plump and cuddly. He was the solution-finder of the group. He thought that problems were there to be solved.

The five friends had moved into the same retirement home, Diamond House. They formed a choir group and also performed at hospitals and parish halls.

It used to be pleasant to live at the retirement home, but after a new owner had taken over, they no longer got good food, particularly, not enough fruit or vegetables. Previously they were allowed out at least an hour every day, but not any more.

The old folks were fed harmful pills every day which made them lethargic. But Martha saw to it that they threw out these pills instead of taking them, whereafter they all felt much better.

The villain of the piece was Nurse Barbara, who was in charge of the old people. It was she who fed them the pills.

Nurse Barbara was infatuated with the new owner of the home. Director Mattson, who had much power and was rich. He was married but this did not deter her and they soon entered into a relationship.

Nurse Barbara cut down on the pensioners’ food so they got only one square meal a day, and otherwise only sandwiches.

The home had a gym, but only for the staff. The five realized they needed to improve their physical condition, and since Martha had appropriated a master key and found out how to get into the gym, they went up there and trained at night when Nurse Barbara was out gallivanting with her boyfriend.

Martha had watched and recorded a TV documentary from a prison and saw that in the dining-room the prisoners could choose from fish, meat or vegetarian, and even have chips to go with it. And there was salad and fruit too.

She showed the recording to the others; they were incensed at the fact that the criminals were better off than they were.

The five decided to live a life of crime so they perhaps could end up in prison. Everything they stole would go to the Robbery Fund and they would dole it out to culture, care of the elderly and everything else that the state neglected.

They would call themselves The League of Pensioners.

They booked a room for themselves in a posh hotel, the Grand Hotel, the very swankiest hotel, in order to enjoy a bit of luxury.

The old people used Zimmer Frames, a term I had never encountered before, but I believe they resemble rollators.

The Zimmer Frames had baskets at the bottom where things could be placed.

Eventually, they visited the National Museum and managed to steal a couple of valuable paintings, a Renoir and a Monet, which they smuggled out in the baskets of the Zimmer Frames.

Nobody suspected that these frail old age pensioners, who could hardly walk on their own, were capable of carrying out such a bold robbery of such valuable paintings.

They themselves called the robbery “The Great Zimmer Frame Robbery”.

They received ten million kroner in ransom money. Many complications occurred, including losing some of the money and also losing one of the paintings.

Also, I don’t understand that they were able to use the money given that the serial numbers of the banknotes had been registered. Perhaps there was something I missed.

The police were dumbfounded as regards who had stolen the paintings. It was one of the biggest thefts in Swedish history.

At one point the old folks confessed to the crime but were not believed by the police!

I found this to be an amusing, easy-to-read story, and can recommend it to those who want a humorous light read, There is at least one other little old lady book by the author and I may well be getting hold of it later. ( )

Gefängnisse sind liegende Wolkenkratzer, Rollatoren haben eine Stachel, der immerhin besser ist als eine operierte Hüfte, aber das eigentliche Problem, welches nicht bedacht wurde, vorher, war: die Männer wurden getrennt untergebracht in diesen liegenden Wolkenkratzern, deren Erbauer eigentlich ins Gefängnis gehörten. Und es kam noch schlimmer, alles im Leben, auch für Alterskriminelle, hatte seinen Preis: Komplizen wurden nicht am selben Ort untergebracht. Nichts oder zu wenig hatte man bedacht, wie in der Jugend. Was würden die Mitglieder des Kirchenchores sagen, alltägliche Gedanken mischen sich mit neuen, eigenwilligen Taten.

Eine witzig kommentierende Sprache, einfach, unkompliziert, Verwicklungen wie immer im Leben - nichts im Alter ist anders. Das Abenteuer lässt sich nicht planen, es rollt auf einen zu wie der Rollator wegrollen sollte, mit einem. Immerhin aber besser als im Altersheim versauern, dahin-sedierend Besuche empfangen und gute Miene zum immer gleichen Spiel der Gespräche von Verwandten etc. zu machen. "Die Zeit rast. Bald kommen wir in den offenen Vollzug oder bekommen eine nette Fußfessel." Nichts hat sich verändert seit der Jugend: etwas unternehmen lässt hoffen, freuen vorher, ist Leidenschaft und Leben.

Das Buch liest sich auch als eine gute Einführung in die (entspannende) schwedische Lebensart, umso härter der Unterschied zum idyllisch behäbigen Heim, wenn man plötzlich mitten unter Dieben, Mördern und Steuerhinterziehern landet. Anna-Gretha, Märtha, Oscar, Stina und Bertil - sie waren früher Bankkauffrau, Sportlehrerin, Erfinder, Hausfrau und Seemann. Das einkasernierte Leben wird getauscht durch noch sterilere Mauern im Gefängnis, die man ebenso überwinden möchte wie die Langeweile im Alters-Ruhe-Sitz!

Nett, spannend, mit Lebensweisheiten und Einsichten gespickt, gelingt es dieser Geschichte, den Leser für ein kreatives Alter einzunehmen, die Wendungen sind überraschend und lassen ahnen, dass immer weniger Menschen bereit sind, sich in Zimmern einkerkern zu lassen, gepflegt entweder von überforderten Krankenbrüdern /-schwestern oder Gefängniswärtern, es ist ein Anspielen dagegen, ein Appell an Eigenbestimmtheit, Kreativität und Eigen-Sinn im Alter.

Auf Seite 408 stehen die Regeln für ein Altersheim der Zukunft, unbedingt lesbar. Daraus diese 3 zentralen Punkte:

"Jedes Seniorenheim muss eine eigene Küche besitzen, in der kompetentes Personal aus frischen Zutaten Essen vor Ort zubereitet.

"Wer aktiver Politiker mit Entscheidungsbefugnis werden will, muss vorher mindestens ein halbes Jahr in einem Altersheim gearbeitet haben."

"Alle Altersheime werden mindestens auf den Standard aufgerüstet, den die Gefängnisse des Landes aufweisen. Darüber hinaus sollen dort
Computer, Friseure und Fußpfleger zur Verfügung stehen."