One Continuous Round, or Whatever Gets You Through the Night

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One Continuous Round, or Whatever Gets You Through the Night

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1SomeGuyInVirginia
aug 19, 2009, 11:19 am

Let's tell ourselves a story to wile away the time. I'll start, then you write the next paragraph.

Matilda and I were on a photographic safari of the Paris sewers when we were laid upon by a pernicious snee. We were shocked (I was carrying a lamp with a really long extension cord and dropped it in the melee) and nonplussed because our guide assured us the snee was the most gentle of creatures. However, when the snee made its terrible appearance our guide ran off with an undignified alacrity. In my experience, alacrities always leave something to be desired. We found our faculties and Matilda swore that if we lived to tell the tale she would thrash the guide within an inch of his life; I confess I was a tad jealous. Meanwhile, the snee advanced…

2PhaedraB
aug 19, 2009, 1:55 pm

...until we could see the whites of its yellow eyes, which made it all too obvious it was eyeing Matilda. My eyes turned even greener with jealousy as Matilda's expression shifted from anger to horror to "oooh, how cute." "Careful, darling," I hissed, while her pupils grew wider still in the dim light and her face softened slowly, "a true snee should not be such a chameleon."

3Tid
aug 19, 2009, 2:53 pm

She turned round to look at me, then her eyes widened with horror and her eyes gazed over my shoulder at something behind me. I turned slowly, and could just make out the yellow eyes of another snee approaching us from the opposite direction.

"Oh my god!", I gasped, "We're surrounded. Snees".

Matilda looked at me startled then rummaged in her pocket for a handkerchief. "A-a-a-a-a-a-a- "

4SomeGuyInVirginia
Redigeret: aug 19, 2009, 9:09 pm

'...tazer! Seems that I shocked myself. Fire at it while I cover my eyes with this handkerchief to protect my delicate sensibilities from the carnage which must inevitably ensue'. Then I remembered about already shocking everyone with the lamp so I threw that aside. What else do you have?! Quick! The snees are upon us! They may be cute by ones and twos, but they're deadly when they swarm. She handed me a feather and said 'Trust me'.

I pulled my revolver out of my pocket and shot the first snee. It went down like a cheerleader on prom night. Then second snee flew at us! I had only a moment to fire and wasn't even sure I'd hit it until Matilda said that I had hit it. I had, in fact, not hit it. But, as everyone knows (now), snees are born twins and there is always a good twin and an evil twin. The benevolent snee was sitting on Matilda's shoulder trying to peep under the handkerchief she still had pressed to her face.

Matilda, the snee and I continued down the sewers of Paris, little expecting what fate had in store. Fate, we found out, had a great store but it only pays to shop there when there's a sale. But we didn't know any of this as we rounded the corner of a sewer in Paris and found...

5SomeGuyInVirginia
aug 20, 2009, 11:07 am

A road show of ‘Cats’. Made sense, it had played everywhere else. Matilda and the gentle snee watched enraptured while I registered disapproval by repairing to the bar to drink as much as possible as fast as possible. Matilda, the snee and some lady from Ohio were alone with the show, but the bar was standing room only and there was a band of orangutans playing punk versions of Verdi arias. It seems that when the sewers of Paris close for business (4:30 pm – 10 am, with an hour for lunch and the entire month of August), they turn into an after hours orangutan bar. At least, this particular tunnel was orangutan, I can’t speak for the others. It’s a rule, ‘Let the sewers of Paris speak for themselves. Malcreants will be ridiculed.’ Says so on the waiver.

While I was doing Jaggermeister shots out of a mime’s navel, Matilda elbowed her way through the crowd, sans snee, and said ‘Where have you been? I can’t believe you entered the sewers of Paris without me, did our non-binding commitment ceremony mean nothing to you?’ I sputtered ‘But…but dearest darling. If that’s you, then who’s that watching Cats with some lady from Ohio?’ Before we left to figure this out, we locked the mime in a box so he could practice his craft.