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A couple of koans:
If a man is alone in a forest, and talking to himself with no woman around… is he still wrong?
If a woman is alone in a forest talking to herself with no man around… is she still complaining?
Q: What’s the difference between ignorance, apathy and ambivalence?
A: I don’t know and I don’t care one way or the other.
So the Zen master steps up to the hot dog cart and says: "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.
The hot dog vendor puts the bill in the cash drawer and closes the drawer.
"Where's my change?" asks the Zen master.
The hot dog vendor responds: "Change must come from within."
The venerable lightbulb
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three - one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.
A true anecdote about D.T. Suzuki
"While I was at UCLA, D.T. Suzuki (the famous Zen scholar, writer, master, etc) came to visit. They set up the Regents auditorium for him. So we were all there, the audience all excited, and out came the head of the Oriental department. The audience all quited down. The Head introduced:
"Here is D.T.Suzuki, world class Zen scholar, writer, master, etc..here he is!"
We all sat in silence. This little guy comes out to the mike. Adjusts a pair of glasses. This is him, we've seen pictures of him before, but he looks smaller and etc. He reaches out and taps the mike.
A hollow ping sounds though the hall.
"Zen Buddhism, Very hard understand, Thank you" and walks off stage.
The audience went crazy! There was a mad struggle backstage, and then The Head lead Suzuki back out, a couple of the department professors with him. They set up some chairs, sat Suzuki down and asked him questions for an hour so everyone would be satisfied.
But I can still hear his voice "Zen Buddhism, Very hard understand............ "
(Written and contributed by Jonathan Greenlee)
Q: What is the name of the best Zen teacher?
A: M.T. Ness
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around chinatown."
This is me paraphrasing a passage from the book Essential Zen. Fantastic book. Highly recommend it. This is a light-hearted bit, but most of it is more serious and absolutely beautiful.
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