Day Schildkret

(Full disclosure: I received a free copy of this book for review through Goodreads giveaways.)

"When something is ending, it also needs witnessing. To witness is to testify that something happened here. It is to look directly at the evidence of change and not turn away. What may come are tears or thanks, which is proper when saying goodbye.
Sometimes, it's not enough to witness an ending all by ourselves. Even the etymology of the word 'testify' tells us it comes from the Proto-Indo-European word tris, meaning 'three.' In other words, sometimes we need others to help us witness big changes because we can too easily get caught up inside of them. Sometimes we need the eyes of our family or friends to wonder with us 'how could this be' or 'what will become.' In that way, they help us look at the transitional times of our lives with tenderness, care, and humility. Bearing witness is one of the greatest gifts we can give and receive in moments of change."

When I spotted HELLO, GOODBYE in a Goodreads giveaway, I immediately looked up the table of contents - and was pleasantly surprised to find not one, but two rituals to help the bereaved mourn the loss of a companion animal. Having said goodbye to eight of my own (in addition to a husband), I was sold.

While I'll likely never participate in "The Cutting the Collar Ritual" (I save them! And displayed them, when I had an appropriate place.), Schildkret outlines meaningful rituals for a whole host of life-changing events - some of them obvious, others less so: birth and death; leaving a job and retirement; the changing of the seasons; coming out; and moving out of/into a home, to name a few.

He also encourages readers to come up with their own unique variations. Along these lines, may I suggest discussing your salary honestly with coworkers, so that they may be better self-advocates, as part of the "Leaving a Job / Leaving Generously Ritual."

HELLO, GOODBYE is the kind of book you don't realize you need until you have it. It's gentle and life-affirming and a little spiritual, but not in a way that will alienate the non-religious (myself included).

Partaking in rituals was one way my late husband and I were able to weather the loss of our furry family members, whose lives (and deaths) were literally in our hands. One of my fondest memories from Peedee's final few months (when we knew he was dying of cancer) was when, on his last night, we sat around telling our favorite Peedee stories. My only regret is that neither of us thought to record it.… (mere)