Andrea Brandt

First, I suppose, a qualification, since my advice is going to sound like I’m letting out my inner old man. People say they’re humble, and then they talk up THEIR parent or child, because it’s THEIR parent or child. Smuck Smith will be all, My dad, and Mrs. Smuck Smith will be all, my son. It’s like, your dad is a chauvinist, your son is on drugs, and you, my friend, are arrogant. I don’t know. People act tough, to compensate for being hard-hearted, but they’re not even tough. When I was watching JURASSIC PARK for fuck’s sake with my dad as a kid, he interrupted the movie to let me know that the kids don’t die, but you know, he thinks that the Jews are going to hell if they don’t get on the goy train, because he’s a man! There’s no man out there like him! Whoops, like his dad!

That being said, I think an important key to not being passive aggressive is to stop lying. Stop lying, stop saying Yes when you mean No, only to turn coat the moment that the other person turns their back. (This applies to all gender groups, not just women and children.) I don’t know. You need SOME boundaries, at least. I don’t really confront my parents about their B.S. because they don’t listen to me, but if one of them point blank asks me if I’m going to do something that I can’t or won’t do, I say No. (Like in a modern romance novel. I said No.) I am not a habitual liar anymore.

Additional disclaimer: My reviews basically never have exactly the same exact views as the author. In this case, Andrea is much more the middle liberal than me, not quixotic, you know.

…. That’s interesting; both of my parents are (subtly) aggressive communicators—100% about you receiving their care and expertise. No feedback required. But I can communicate healthily with my one friend…. (He was going to be my sponsor, but he’s more like the mad professor, so a much better friend than a sponsor.) We can both talk, mostly about books and ideas, also about symptoms, and I don’t feel like he has to be like me or vice versa. We are quite distinct, but I like that he’s an old man. I feel much more like someone who will be 55 & over in 22 years, than someone who was a teenager 14 years ago…. What a benevolent dictator I would be, if I could make the world see things my way. It’s be a Wagner/Marx Third Way dictatorship, and it would be beautiful.… (mere)

True, few of the tips in this book will spur "light bulb moments." The chances are good that if you've given any thought to fostering happiness in your life, you've likely pondered many, if not most of the suggested strategies for finding fulfillment. But I need to stress that this assertion doesn't diminish the value of Brandt's book. Think of it as a collection of helpful tactics for promoting happiness and positive thinking. I took many notes that will serve as reminders of some important tenets. I know that a periodic review of this laundry list of insights will help me in my quest for "positivity." Perhaps some of these 20 insights will also be helpful to you:
-- Dwelling on our past almost always prevents us from enjoying the present.
-- Resentment is incredibly corrosive if left to fester.
-- Suppressed emotions, unaddressed, produce dysfunction and unhappiness.
-- Discover those things -- even small things -- that bring us joy.
-- Be aware of the "moment," relishing even the most simple or mundane joys (the sound of birds in the morning, a sunset, etc.)
-- Walking can be a great form of meditation if we're in a "state of mindfulness" and are in touch with our senses.
-- Meditation frees creative-thinking and problem-solving.
-- Big dreams can grow from the tiniest spark of joy.
-- Look for laughs -- and prolong them. They're really healthy for you.
-- We can only experience life in finite moments and by living it fully.
-- Harness a life-long passon.
-- Take a "values inventory." What is really important to you?
-- Break down goals/dreams in bite-sized steps to avoid becoming overwhelmed or frustrated.
-- Identify concrete "action steps" for achieving goals/dreams.
-- Procrastination can be a powerful force. Find a way to conquer it by giving yourself some minor choices. For example, you might not feel like writing. Allow yourself the flexibility to write on your backyard patio.
-- Don't be afraid to show vulnerability. Courage starts when we let ourselves be seen.
-- Kindness is good for us. It can be the most powerful way to increase our sense of well-being.
-- Studies show that helping others can reduce depression.
-- Create a life-balance that allows room and even encourages meaningful relationships.
-- When facing conflict, avoid knee-jerk responses. Heighten your empathy factor.
-- Finding your "purpose" helps develop resiliency that can come in handy during turbulent times.… (mere)