Benjamin Berkley

This review was originally posted on *Melissa's Midnight Musings on February 11, 2013.

Judging from the title you might think that this book is useful only if you've been married before and are considering taking that plunge again. That's not the case.

I've never been married, and while reading I was able to identify a lot of useful information that would be helpful to talk about within my own relationship. I also gained a lot of insight into the issues that couples fight about most often, and why it is that most marriages and remarriages fail. A lot of it has to do with not working on yourself as a person.

A lot of times people want to put a lot of blame on their ex as being the reason that their marriage failed instead of accepting the fact that they were in part, also responsible, and that they need to work on themselves and improve before they consider taking that trip down the aisle with someone else.

The book is really well laid out in terms of the chapters being clear and concise. There are a lot of questions in each chapter that you can ask yourself and your partner to make sure that you are on the same page about things. This covers a wide range of subjects like finances, emotional health, physical health, legal ramifications etc. I felt that the author was really trying to help people figure out their motivations for remarrying and steer them in the right direction, not by preaching one correct way to do things, but by getting people to really think about why it is that they want to get married again. Since the author is a lawyer, the influence is heavy on the legal ramifications of different aspects of remarriage, but it's not overwhelming, just consistent advice for a variety of situations.

One of the great things about this book is that there are a lot of example situations woven in with the more technical information. I feel that this made the book much more palatable. If it had been just statistics or dry, informational material, I probably wouldn't have enjoyed it as much as I did. With these examples mixed in it really gives a more clear picture of the point the author is trying to make and helps the reader relate to the information more easily. Plus the author takes a somewhat informal tone that shows that he's not just spouting off information but really just trying to help by sharing what he's learned.

The tone is very cautionary, which might make it seem like the author is against marriage, but that really isn't the case. What I took from it is that he's trying to help people avoid re-marrying for the wrong reasons, like wanting to be financially comfortable, or getting married again just because they're used to living with someone, and things like that. The main lesson I came away from reading this with is to always trust your gut. If something doesn't sit right with you about someone you're romantically interested in, it probably isnt. And while some of the questions this book asks you to consider might be awkward to bring up, if you are in a truly loving and comitted relationship you will be able to talk them through without much difficulty.


*I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

… (mere)

Against My Will by Benjamin Berkley is a novel with a message. Danielle Landau, a well educated but somewhat naive 29 year-old Jewish woman, is set up by her father and a matchmaker to meet and date Jacob Liebowitz. While she is more concerned with getting the results from taking the bar exam and starting her law career, Jacob is trying to push her into taking their relationship more seriously than she originally thought it should be taken. After they marry, Danielle quickly realizes what a horrible mistake it was to marry this man who must always be in control and has now become abusive. She puts up with the abuse, trying to be a good Jewish wife, until it finally becomes too much for her to tolerate any more and she talks to her grandmother, who tells Danielle to flee.

While we follow Danielle's story we also read diary entries from Rose, Danielle's grandmother. Rose lived in Austria in WWII and was sent to the Mauthausen Concentration Camp. She was chosen to work in the Commandant’s kitchen, which resulted in her survival, but at a cost.

I must admit that as written, the character of Danielle's father was supremely annoying to me. All of the perfect catch talk and focus on Danielle's age as a reason she should marry someone right away just irritated me. And Danielle started off seemingly a woman with self confidence but then she let others push her into this marriage. Ugh. I understand people-pleasers like to follow the rules, including sometimes others wishes, but this seemed over the top for her to marry a man she really didn't seem to even like all that much.
Additionally, I quickly became weary of all the Yiddish. It also made me feel disconnected to the novel. A little less might have improved my reception of the story.

However, the main point of this novel is the message delivered through the story. Danielle eventually learns that no woman is ever her husband's property and that she is not required to do anything against her will or tolerate his abuse. It's an important message and one that you would think women would all understand today, but, alas, as I know all too well, women still fall into the trap of tolerating many forms of abuse because they are married or have religious beliefs that discourage divorce. Today, though, the vast majority of woman are not trapped, as Rose was, in their abusive environments with no means of escape.

Recommended for the message


Disclosure: I received an advanced reading copy of this book from the author and Premier Virtual Author Book Tours for review purposes.… (mere)